Are We Compatible?

“Are we compatible?” is a common question I hear when couples start counseling.

The unspoken alternative is, Or should we call it quits?

I find this question of compatibility interesting. Compatible based on what?

Your birth signs? Personality inventories? My opinion?

None of these options are reliably backed by research.

In my years of working with couples there is more than meets the ear to this question about compatibility.

People don’t really want to know if they line up with each other on paper. Their fear wants to know this.

Fear needs to know because they’re terrified they’re destined to live a life side by side with a person, but never connect emotionally.

Fear needs to know because they’re worried they may never experience deep intimate security with another person.

Sit with that.

Does it fit?

It’s not codependent to feel this way.

We are wired to connect with each other but have forgotten how.

Perhaps our past gets in the way.

Maybe it’s something in our present, like too much screen time or work.

The tide is changing. Society is valuing relationship more.

Love is the number one reason for marriage these days.

But people don’t know how to connect. It’s an art form that must be learned.

It has nothing to do with compatibility.

Once you learn how to see and be seen. You can be as different as the wind and rain and still feel cozy with each other.

This is not codependency. It’s emotional maturity.

Amanda Averbeck

For over 10 years Amanda has professionally supported family change. After obtaining her bachelors degree, she worked at The Parenting Center as a Nurturing Parenting trained Family Life Educator. In 2015 she returned to school at Texas Wesleyan University for a Master of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy. Since graduating and opening her own practice, she has written a chapter on The Satir Model in an internationally used textbook. To stay abreast of the latest techniques, she participates in an international bimonthly learning group with world renowned master therapist Jean McLendon and an monthly IFS & OCD consultation group with Melissa Mose. Amanda is also trained in ACT based Exposure techniques, IFS informed, Level one trained in The Satir Model, Gottman Leader Trained, and EFT familiar. She is passionate about providing the best possible care.

When Amanda is not counseling, she loves to read, hike, puzzle, create fluid art and have deep conversations with family and friends.

https://www.AuthenticallyRootedCounseling.com
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